Camp Science Fiction Movies

We all have guilty pleasures [does that have to have capitals and a copyrights sign now?] and one of mine is bad sience fiction movies.

Of course you've all heard about the shower curtains in Plan Nine From Outer Space; but if you get the chance to see Fantastic Voyage on a decent screen you won't be disappointed by the "wow" lecturing, or by the oil-film psychedelia. The Incredible Shrinking Man is that tried favourite, the post-nuclear holocaust warning, with echoes of Gulliver, Robinson Crusoe, and the worst closing monologue ever.

So I wasted [i.e. derived no productive benefit from] a couple of valuable hours this afternoon watching David Lynch's Dune. I'd seen it before of course, and the enormous talking jobbie [which now looks presciently like a Damien Hirst vitrine] that holds the universal monopoly rights on wormhole travel haunted my dreams for years.

Despite having the most disjointed script, and the maddest producer ever, Lynch managed to gather round him and impressive cast. Jurgen Prochnow, the Captain from Das Boot; Linda Hunt, the only person to win an Oscar for playing a character of the opposite gender; Max von Sydow, Sian Phillips, and a youthful bouffant Kyle McLachlan. But it wasn't until the final credits that I realised the girl playing Alia the telepathic wunderkind [looking like Regan MacNeil in a hijab] was the nine year old Alicia Witt.

I have to admit to being completely besotted with Miss Witt in the TV show Cybill during the 90's when she remodelled the role of Kevin the Teenager into a pouting moue, alabaster skinned, fiery redhead. And up against Cybill Shepherd this was no mean feat. Men of my age who find themselves strangely attracted to the kid's cartoon Jane and the Dragon may now understand their uncomfortably kittenish feelings.

She hasn't done much film work recently, and has presumably settled into a quiet life of trying on slinky tops and pouting into mirrors...

Andrew Mishmash